“So incompatible we’re compatible.” Joe Budden
No Such Thing As Compatibility
I don’t believe in compatibility. For many years, I did. For many years, I believed that the man that I’d been looking for- the one that would love me the way my father did- would just pop up out of nowhere and we’d just “click.”
I decided early on that I wouldn’t settle until I found this man. I also acknowledged the possibility that I’d never find this person- someone who ‘measured up’ to the love I’d known. And if that meant being alone forever, then that’d be the choice I’d make. But settling would never be an option.
But I never thought that maybe he’d come to me before he was a finished product. I’d had yet to see him grow in love. I’d had yet to start becoming the woman who’d help him.
Over the years, I frequently wondered why the Universe had brought us together- for what purpose had we been placed in each other’s lives?
We were born on two different ends of the world, exactly 7 days apart. Twelve years later, for individual and what seemed like unfortunate circumstances, we found ourselves the new kids on the block- specifically, the same block. Our meeting was inevitable.
T tells the humorous story of our first encounter- a conversation at age 12 that set the tone for our relationship. We disagreed from the very beginning.
It took us 8 years before we’d really explore our connection. We weren’t what we wanted in a partner. We weren’t what we were looking for.
But love works in mysterious ways. And work it does.
Love’s purpose is to unite and so it is sent where it is needed.
It was evident as soon as we started spending time together that our minds worked very differently- a severe understatement.
We quickly found out that our similar tastes in music and food were not as transferable as we’d hoped.
We’d had different birth orders, upbringings, and entirely different journeys up until that point, all contributing to our different perspectives of the world.
As clear as it was that we were different, safe to say even Polar Opposites, it was just as clear that we had the same soul.
What was interesting was that our experiences, although different, seemed to touch our hearts just as deeply. My heart was broken from an unexplainable loss of the person closest to me. But I could tell his was too. His heart had been hurt as deep as he’d loved, as deep as he’d cared. We’d both lost our closest relationships. My twin soul. Only a heart so beautiful could love a sensitive heart like mine.
We thought, felt and did things differently. Even if we had arrived at the same answer, you could bet your bottom dollar that we had gotten there differently.
I, heavily right-brained, a dreamer, full of ideas.
He, heavily left brained, a doer, full of answers.
His brain saw complexity and broke it down to its molecular structure; mine saw molecular structure and created a complex vision.
He saw the world in numbers, I saw the world in words.
He always had excel open, I always had word.
He on one side of the world, and me on the other.
10 rounds of p90x, loss of a parent, loss of close friends, betrayal, getting laid off, unemployment, serious illness, moving across the country
Our relationship is the hardest thing we’ve both done by far. Perhaps because it’s shaped us the most.
Your closest relationship, given enough time, will bring to the surface every single thing in your soul that needs correction. Relationships are mirrors- we are meant to become better through each other.
The closer the relationship, the more ways it will try to correct you.
As two souls that needed a lot of correction, and two minds that were so opposite, our relationship was turbulent for the first 8 years that we lived together.
I think a lot of people in our position would have walked away from each other a long time ago. I don’t blame them. We almost did, countless times. We’re highly familiar with this feeling of wanting to run.
But what we’ve witnessed, is that if you do decide to choose each other and stay together, on the other end of extremely challenging relationships, lies the potential for tremendous personal growth.
A different perspective can literally, change your mind.
And changing your mind is the first step to changing your life.
We now understand that our crossing paths was the Universe’s way of bringing us together for a purpose that is much greater than anything we could even imagine, a purpose that we are only beginning to uncover.
This movement is our footprint.